Today is Dong Zhi, called back to ask mum if there is tang yuan at home. She say no, and gave me a reply "tang yuan can anytime eat de!!!" That is my mum, she alway have no festive feeling. That's why now i dun look forward for any festive too..
This year bday, she can leave me alone, and xmas too... Now i dun feel any homely feeling. Have been avoiding home, home to me is a hotel. For me to slp and shower place.. I will rather spend my time out and get myself tired and can easily fall asleep when i get home. Find my own activities, she can tell the whole world i have no time for her. Have been going out everyday... I dun care...
I always remember her telling me this, shift out stay with dad since he dote on you so much. Even though that was way back she said that to me. But that is always the hurtful thing she can sae to me. If i can, i will have shift out and stay alone!!!
At times, when dad call me. I feel like tearing... I miss the days when he is at home. Calling me and check how am i doing and etc...
Small little things that everyone have done to me have touch my heart a load.. I get very emotional now. I tend to tear alone easily now. I misses all those small little pieces of happy times i used to have. I'm a lost kid now.
I have been spending money like running water, destressing and vending my anger by speding money!!! I have to stop myself for doing this.. I know is unhealthy... At times, i really wish i can just cry like a baby... Letting every single things out...
Hpy, thanks for trying to get tang yuan for me today!!! I really appreciate it a load!!! Even though you din manage to get it, is the thoughts that count!!! THANK YOU :)
