It just HURT...

At times, you just have lots of things hidden inside you. You just wish that you can pour them out so you feel better. But instead of saying it out, I locked everything inside me.

Nothing new happen, is just a daily routine thing. Things have never change and is just compiling. It just really hit me this time round. I tend to get very emotional easily, i always wanted to cry them out to make myself free better.But, i just cant cry out...

It just me who have hidden to much things and feelings from everyone all this while. And I just do not know how to express them out. Even though I look have show that something is bothering me. I just do not know how to spell everything out...

I have been very crappy at work, smiling and laughing at work or with friends. But that is not me!!! I'm tired at times..

Everyone expect me to understand how they feel. Expect me to accept their thinking, etc... But who is there to really to understand how i feel, to really put themselves in my shoes??

Why do people always need to wait till they lose something, than they will do something to get them back? At the first place, when i was there. You did not even shower that much of care on me.

Now, you're putting attention on me. I do not know how to react to it, i do not know what is right and wrong now. You make me feel so miserable now... I wanted to treat everything as normal. But i just do not know how to... Is not just one, but there is alot...

Avoiding you is not i want, i just do not know how to face the whole situation. Cos i have not get over every single thing. I'm strong in front of everyone, but deep in i'm not... I can encourage every single people beside me, but i cant do that to myself...

If i can, i will run away from every single thing. Get into coma, waking up not remembering every single thing...

I really do not know... I'm really lost and confuse this time round...

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I need to cry!! I really need to cry... I cant hold on to who i am now! I feel so pain and miserable! I have to cry out, but i cant cry! Have I forgotten to cry, cos in the past whenever i'm about to cry i told myself i have to hold them back!!!

So many many things are coming in. Is a non stop thing, i'm forcing myself to move forward. But i have no strength anymore. I do not know how to push myself forward. I can encourage the people around me to be strong. When it comes to myself, I cant do it on myself. I'm tired!! I feel like giving up!!!

I went drinking to numb myself... But the pain became double of it... I know i have to overcome everything myself! I tried!! But i ended up at the same point where i started. I was lying to myself all this while!!!

I still cant get over alot of things!!! I HATE THEM FOR MAKING ME SO MISERABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But i do not know how i can hate them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!