PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I need to cry!! I really need to cry... I cant hold on to who i am now! I feel so pain and miserable! I have to cry out, but i cant cry! Have I forgotten to cry, cos in the past whenever i'm about to cry i told myself i have to hold them back!!!

So many many things are coming in. Is a non stop thing, i'm forcing myself to move forward. But i have no strength anymore. I do not know how to push myself forward. I can encourage the people around me to be strong. When it comes to myself, I cant do it on myself. I'm tired!! I feel like giving up!!!

I went drinking to numb myself... But the pain became double of it... I know i have to overcome everything myself! I tried!! But i ended up at the same point where i started. I was lying to myself all this while!!!

I still cant get over alot of things!!! I HATE THEM FOR MAKING ME SO MISERABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But i do not know how i can hate them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!