LOST is the word!!!

I noe everyone have thier own prbblems. But for me things are coming in non stop. And they are all negative things. I really cant take it anymore. Can everything stop now with a full stop. I noe things happen to make someone strong, but enough is enough le.

Things tat happen since the starting of 2009:

1) Mum called to tell me granny moving over, ask me if i can give up my room. I'm more than happy tat granny is moving over to stay with us after she fully recover. I shifted out of the hse, and moved over to alice's mummy hse.

2) After shifted out of the hse, i really dun feel belong to this hse anymore. The day before i went for my leg operation last year, Dad actually said this at my back and i over heard it, make sure she move out and dun move back.(we have an urgement tat day) When i heard tat, i was crying deep in there. And i told myself i will not shift back to this hse, if he is staying in this flat.

3) Start to have some misunderstand with alice mummy. When i was staying over her place, i juz dun really have my own privacy. And feel so bad to trouble her to ask her to share her room with me. I juz cant really do the things i one, and i dun have my own corner. (Now it seems that my relationship with alice mummy there's a distance in between, i feel so upset abt it!!)

4)Broken family... Mum and dad divorced. I have to be the middle person. I have to run all the errands for them. All phone calls coming in to me. Getting loan for the hse...

5) Unsuccessful relationship. Friends are angry with wat i'm doing. Distance in the friendship. (things are so called fine now)

6) Losing interest in studies... Did badly in exams (no one to blame for this, juz cant pull myself back)

7) Msg came in to inform me granny only left 3 to 6 mths to live. Her cancer relapsed...

I juz cant take it le. No one can understand how i feel now. It seems tat things i have done for this family, no one apprecaite it. But ended up i got blame on it for talking back... All i need is understanding and support. I'm tired to be strong anymore. I juz cant act anymore... I will break down any moment. I noe i'm not alone. I juz dunno who i can turn too... LOST is the word now... My tears are choke in the throat. I juz cant cry!!! WHY WHY WHY....

Stop asking me to be happy. The word have been missing long ago... I cant smile from my heart anymore. Everything have gone within a period of time. I can be a clown infront of friends to make them smile, but i cant make myself smile. Why am i getting hurt all this while? I have not stand firm on my feet yet, and another problem juz come in. I juz dunno how to recover from all this pain... The pain is getting deeper and deeper till i juz cant bear it soon...

I have lost my sleep, have not been sleeping well for this few weeks. Keep having nightmares, if not i will suddenly jump out of bed... This is not the AMELIA, AI LIAN anymore...